My name is Michael and I sometimes introduce myself as a retired Police Officer. I served on a Covert Operations Drug and Vice Unit for many years, living on the streets as an itinerant whilst infiltrating ‘gangs’ of all descriptions. Violence, drugs, vice, gambling, fear control, were ever present in that world and life. I enjoyed it immensely. I had tickets to all the big rock bands, Led Zep, Floyd, Clapton, my musical heroes totally accessible because of my work, though no one knew our real identities. I would still be there if it wasn’t for injuries inflicted and given to me by….well, lets just say… people. I had to retire you see and looking back that leaving was much more than a wrench of just losing a career; it was losing a life, losing a life style and losing a family that that particular career provides.
During those years I coped with ‘the’ life using a variety of techniques that safeguarded my reasoning and soul. I would compartmentalise death, blood, gore, suffering and all the filth and perversion that humanity can create. Even now, those events, images and senses are locked away under my ‘lock and key’. That phase of my life was inspirational in a fashion. It created within me a will to make a difference and … we did, in a limited sense.
Now, today, you would see a man of experience and perhaps not connect with my journey. Now and for the past 15 years or so, I have been involved in personal development and training. EIDER Consulting is my company [with my co-directors] through which my efforts are focused now. So… imagine me then, a man whose life journey has taken him through what I call ‘real life’ scenarios, and brought him to this stage in life. Imagine this man whose past teaches so much and gives such insight. Those past experiences facilitating my soul to step forward to teach me about life, my emotions and my ‘real self’.
The other week, I stood in front of a group of businesswomen. It was an organised event at which I was to talk about ‘emotional intelligence’. This subject is one in which I and my company has experience. I addressed the group using anecdotes from my Police days creating events in their minds of sights and sounds and smells. It was evident that they were hooked and listened intently. They heard about my coldness and simmering violence. They saw in my eyes something they recognised but didn’t want to understand becase it was so far removed from their reality. Then I changed everything. I took out a piece of poetic prose I had written recently. I started to read it and whilst I read out loud the words caught in my throat and tears flowed from my eyes. Imagine, those businesswomen seeing this tall, ex-hard nosed copper, one minute talking about stark violence, drugs and prostitution and then…. whilst standing in front of them crying whilst reading poetic prose of a soulful nature. Many women were also wiping the odd tear and many smiled softly. It was quiet while I read.
I had painted two different pictures of such profoundness and colour that each affected deeply in its own way. Now, I had to build the ‘bridge’ between them and show why both are vital for me. To do this I talked of humanity which is a physical thing. Humanity led me to talk of my spirituality which then guided me on to my soulfulness. I told them that not even I had an inkling back then of such a soulful presence, and yet… when I remember those times, I know that to be the case. I had never even thought about it at the time but…
I told them that the bridge I had just built was constructed to link my life past and my life present. I even described its physical appearance in my minds eye, a gentley rising and falling stone arch spanning flowing water. I explained that for me, these bridges help us on the emotional journey that everyone undertakes from the time we are born.
At the end of the ‘talk’ I was bombarded with questions as to the chalk and cheese they had just witnessed.
I said that emotional intelligence is not just about being aware of when we feel angry, or violent or frustrated or whatever. It is about ‘being’. Understanding that state of ‘being’ which can be an illumination. Progression from illumination can lead to soulful enlightenment.
From and during those times in my past I can still feel those emotions, still feel the damp and cold winds, still smell the wet cardboard box that was my home for that night, still feel my mongrel dog shiver as she nuzzled closer to me for warmth. To be alone on those wet and cold streets was illuminating because it presented an opportunity to see and evaluate life from a different perspective. I built bridges even then, between that life and my life at home.
We can all build bridges for ourselves when we recognise and accept our uniqueness and identify our life path. Many times we need help, all of us. Many times we need more than one pair of hands to construct those bridges. Bridges facilitate our navigation and help us continue our life journey over the many streams and rivers. I am still an apprentice builder but I learn more and more each day… and I am still that ex-hard nosed copper but now with a soulful content.
This article was written by Michael Boase… Co-Director of EIDER Consulting LLP, www.ei-der.com